living in the past? no thanks

To be fair, I started it.

I hunted up my old high school journals to discover, at the request of a young friend, what the exact day was when I met him. Because she (my young friend) was born that same month. So it was I that was taking a walk down memory lane and reading old entries from my past. And having a seriously good laugh at my old self. A self that I am no longer. Thank goodness.

And I discovered, much to my own horror, that I was a crappy girlfriend. Apparently, it was so not my fault that college boy was kissing me? Apparently, at some point, we broke up because another boy needed my attention? Apparently, after a month of not being able to see him, because I was grounded, I overreacted when, on the day we could finally see each other again, he announced that he wanted to start seeing other people. And he had a date that night.

Apparently, the way I reacted, in that particular situation, is what started him running. Away from me. Which is, apparently, what he is still doing. Even now.

Apparently, if I'd just given him some space, back then, like he asked, instead of hounding him, calling him, trying to figure out why he didn't love me anymore (may not have been true, but that's how I saw it), if I'd just left him alone, he figures, in a couple of weeks, he would have come back to me.

And for some reason, that's still where he is with me. He's 18, and he's running away. Again.

I'm not okay with that.

I'm not living in the past.

Yes, I daydreamed. I kept wondering what might happen in a few years, instead of focusing on what is happening right now. But the past? Not where I was. Not where I want to be.

And if that's where he is? I don't want to be there.

Besides which, who went looking for whom? Oh, that's right. I was just sitting here, minding my own business, enjoying my life, excited about work for the first time in years, happy to be me, and HE sent me a message.

Whatever.