Thursday, March 12, 2009

not a pet person

I just noticed, while looking at David's profile again, he's not a pet person, either!
Some of you may think that's a bad thing, but that's not the way I see it. I used to feel bad that I didn't want pets. (someone actually told me that meant I'd be a bad mother) I grew up with cats, a small dog, various bunnies and birds, fish, etc. But none of them were mine (eight of us kids, most of us had a pet). I like other peoples pets just fine. I can appreciate a purring a kitty, a well-behaved dog, a nice game of fetch. I just don't want any myself.
Here's why that's a good thing:
In "The Road Less Traveled" they talk about different ways of loving, including what they define as mature love. When you love someone that way, you want them to grow and learn, become their best self. You don't want to "take care of them" or "baby" them, and you don't nag or control, either. You encourage, you help them to improve. The goal being that the child will eventually become an adult and take care of themselves, or that your partner or friend will reach their full potential. It gave an example of the opposite, someone that adored his little dogs, but never seemed to lavish the same attention on his wife or kids. He seemed only to be annoyed with his family members for not being able to be what he thought they should be. The therapist suggested that he wanted his family to all behave like his dogs - come when he called, do their cute tricks, adore him as their master, etc. (I'm paraphrasing here, but you get the idea.)
That's when I had the "aha" moment. I don't love that way. I do want people (and plants, if you note my track record with indoor vs outdoor) to be independent, take care of themselves, reach their full potential. I'm happy to assist and encourage, but I won't do it all for you, because that's how you grow. I love babies, but I never wanted my boys to stay little. A dog will never feed itself, bathe itself, or walk itself. It's like having a baby forever, except you can train it to use the flower beds and "stay" or "sit". The closest you'll get to independent in a pet, is a cat (which may explain the difference between cat people and dog people).

3 comments:

  1. So I just ventured to your blog for the first time and love hearing all this. My sister is newly single and it sounds like- the L.A. LDS singles scene is just as murky as the one you describe. Very few needles to be found in the haystack. :)

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  2. you make me feel better for not liking pets. thank you for this post. totally applicable. I will pull this excuse card out next when kyle begs for a dog.

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  3. or rather I should say, I do not like the idea of owning my own pet. I, too, can enjoy another person's well-trained dog or cute kitty. just don't give me one to take care of.

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