BG12 is actually single now. wahoo. bring on the band.
why would I care? he'll always be "married guy" to me.
really, I do sympathize. but it's still wrong to go looking when you're married.
I'm going to have to answer him sometime. I can't just not say anything. But it's going to take me some time to find the words to tell him what I think without being overly rude.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Thursday, February 26, 2009
a little more info
I just thought I'd add this little tidbit about BG12 (the married guy). Have you seen the movie Groundhog Day? You know the annoying camera man that works with with Bill Murray? Yeah, that's basically what this guy looks like. (I should really look up the actors name, but would anyone know who I was talking about without the movie reference?)
Not that I'm trying to sway your opinion about him.
But I'm not going to be able to look at his profile again without thinking about that scene where he steps up for the bachelor auction and the old lady "buys" him for two bits.
Not that I'm trying to sway your opinion about him.
But I'm not going to be able to look at his profile again without thinking about that scene where he steps up for the bachelor auction and the old lady "buys" him for two bits.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
married guy doesn't get it
Got a message from BG12 again. You know, the one that "had to be honest" and told me he's not yet divorced (ie: still married). He tells me that "the planets are finally aligning" and he'll be "a free man before April begins" (gee, that's not exactly next week, is it?). Well, bully for him. And I would be interested because...?
I know it's shallow of me (not), but I don't want to have anything to do with a guy that actively sought out the next girlfriend/wife while still married. No matter how good the excuse. Especially as he purports to be a member in good standing of the LDS church.
He wants to know if my offer to introduce him to other singles is still good. Um, just which of my single friends would you like to meet that thinks it's okay that you were still married when you signed up on a singles site, just 3 months after your wife left? And you're okay with the morals of said friend?
So, tell me, am I being too hard on this one? I feel okay with my own decision not to ever date him, even when he is actually divorced. Question is, am I going too far in not wanting to introduce him to someone else who may not care, as he didn't try to flirt with them while he was married?
I know it's shallow of me (not), but I don't want to have anything to do with a guy that actively sought out the next girlfriend/wife while still married. No matter how good the excuse. Especially as he purports to be a member in good standing of the LDS church.
He wants to know if my offer to introduce him to other singles is still good. Um, just which of my single friends would you like to meet that thinks it's okay that you were still married when you signed up on a singles site, just 3 months after your wife left? And you're okay with the morals of said friend?
So, tell me, am I being too hard on this one? I feel okay with my own decision not to ever date him, even when he is actually divorced. Question is, am I going too far in not wanting to introduce him to someone else who may not care, as he didn't try to flirt with them while he was married?
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
post-Valentines update
okay, Valentines weekend. big dance sponsered by my cluster. I built a balloon arch - looked fantastic (wish I'd taken a picture). I think that may have been the highlight of my evening...
logged in to the singles site Monday morning, and, you won't believe it, nothing new. no new flirts, no messages. you mean nobody was sitting at home logged in, hoping for someone to chat with? or searching for "the one"? well, duh. but it still stung.
then, finally, just after 2pm Monday, I got a flirt. from a high-school dropout whose occupation states "I'll tell you later". He's kinda cute, but he lives in Kooskia ID (where? that sounds made up), and though he states he attends church regularly, his temple status is blank. so, let's see, which of the 3 E's did he manage here? oh, wait, none.
see, this is why I never did this before. At first it was kind of fun, seeing who looked at my profile, who flirted with me. but the down side is, after a while, it tapers off. I'm not the new hot babe anymore, I'm old news. or they found my blog and they don't want me making fun of them for the world to see.
logged in to the singles site Monday morning, and, you won't believe it, nothing new. no new flirts, no messages. you mean nobody was sitting at home logged in, hoping for someone to chat with? or searching for "the one"? well, duh. but it still stung.
then, finally, just after 2pm Monday, I got a flirt. from a high-school dropout whose occupation states "I'll tell you later". He's kinda cute, but he lives in Kooskia ID (where? that sounds made up), and though he states he attends church regularly, his temple status is blank. so, let's see, which of the 3 E's did he manage here? oh, wait, none.
see, this is why I never did this before. At first it was kind of fun, seeing who looked at my profile, who flirted with me. but the down side is, after a while, it tapers off. I'm not the new hot babe anymore, I'm old news. or they found my blog and they don't want me making fun of them for the world to see.
Friday, February 13, 2009
skeleton in the closet
back to that first guy I messaged - the one I think I might know, that lived in Laie around the same time I did? I just remembered another guy I knew in Hawaii. Sort of, umm, dated. okay, mostly just made out with. he had a girlfriend already. I was young and selfish, teenage hormones in overload. did I ever say I was perfect? I'm not proud of this. But if it's him, I'm not sure I want him to figure out who I am.
(in my defense here, he was not hard to persuade at the time, so let's not blame it all on me, okay?)
(in my defense here, he was not hard to persuade at the time, so let's not blame it all on me, okay?)
go away already!
king22 keeps flirting with me. I guess ignoring him isn't going to work. he's 48, no picture, works in agriculture, high school diploma, occasionally attends church, no temple status. uh huh, sure, all the girls want some of that. NOT. (okay, at least he's employed)
I don't know who he is, but I wish he'd take the hint and leave me alone. here's his flirt history:
Feb 9, blew kiss (what? I don't even know you!) Feb 10, smiled (dude, already ignored you) Feb 12 sent flaming "you're hot" (desperate for a Valentines date?) At this point, I message him and tell him I'm not interested in "occasionally attends church" types. big mistake, as he seems to see this as positive attention, blows a kiss, smiles again. I finally find the "no thanks" flirt option.
only later do I think of the perfect response to "you're hot". "um, yeah, knew that already. I get that from regular church attendance, oh ye of no picture"
the persistence makes me wonder if he knows me, (I do have pictures up, after all) and he's just trying to be funny.
I don't know who he is, but I wish he'd take the hint and leave me alone. here's his flirt history:
Feb 9, blew kiss (what? I don't even know you!) Feb 10, smiled (dude, already ignored you) Feb 12 sent flaming "you're hot" (desperate for a Valentines date?) At this point, I message him and tell him I'm not interested in "occasionally attends church" types. big mistake, as he seems to see this as positive attention, blows a kiss, smiles again. I finally find the "no thanks" flirt option.
only later do I think of the perfect response to "you're hot". "um, yeah, knew that already. I get that from regular church attendance, oh ye of no picture"
the persistence makes me wonder if he knows me, (I do have pictures up, after all) and he's just trying to be funny.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
they're all bad
So BG12, the one who shares too much, who’s wife left him for a woman? He’s still married.
Whatever. His response to my invite to the dance Saturday: “I’ve got to be honest with you” and then he launches into why he’s not divorced yet.
I was going to be rude about it, but I just told him that yes, all divorces must be final before you can attend LDS singles events, and I commiserated with him about that limbo stage when you know you’re divorcing, and you’ve done everything you can, but you have to wait for the other person to get their stuff done. So I was nice. But this just reinforces my opinion of all the single guys my age. And really, until he’s gone through some therapy, he’s not ready to date. He thinks he is, but all it is, is lonely. Not the same at all.
he doesn't know it yet, but he just lost any chance he had to date me. you're either married or you're not, there is no in between. I get it, I know how he feels, I hated limbo, too. I know he thinks there is no way he'll be patching up the marriage (she did join the other team, after all), and I'm sure that's part of his justification for signing up on a singles site when he's NOT SINGLE. sorry, doesn't fly with me. I had a chance to date 2 guys I really really liked right after my 1st hubby left. I mean, I wanted to date these guys. one of them, I already had this huge crush on him (hey, married isn't dead, you still notice, you just don't pursue), and he was so seriously adorable. he asked me to lunch right when I told him I was separated. and even he realized that was probably not right. looked awkward and said, oh, wait, that's probably not kosher. not until you're divorced. as much as I wanted to date this guy, I couldn't do that. Married is married. I knew it was just a matter of time, there was no question of taking back the abandon-er, but I wasn't single. therefore, no dating.
sadly, by the time the divorce was final, I'd lost touch with both of these guys. I still think I was right not to date until I was single. I paid the price, sure, but I didn't loose my self respect.
Whatever. His response to my invite to the dance Saturday: “I’ve got to be honest with you” and then he launches into why he’s not divorced yet.
I was going to be rude about it, but I just told him that yes, all divorces must be final before you can attend LDS singles events, and I commiserated with him about that limbo stage when you know you’re divorcing, and you’ve done everything you can, but you have to wait for the other person to get their stuff done. So I was nice. But this just reinforces my opinion of all the single guys my age. And really, until he’s gone through some therapy, he’s not ready to date. He thinks he is, but all it is, is lonely. Not the same at all.
he doesn't know it yet, but he just lost any chance he had to date me. you're either married or you're not, there is no in between. I get it, I know how he feels, I hated limbo, too. I know he thinks there is no way he'll be patching up the marriage (she did join the other team, after all), and I'm sure that's part of his justification for signing up on a singles site when he's NOT SINGLE. sorry, doesn't fly with me. I had a chance to date 2 guys I really really liked right after my 1st hubby left. I mean, I wanted to date these guys. one of them, I already had this huge crush on him (hey, married isn't dead, you still notice, you just don't pursue), and he was so seriously adorable. he asked me to lunch right when I told him I was separated. and even he realized that was probably not right. looked awkward and said, oh, wait, that's probably not kosher. not until you're divorced. as much as I wanted to date this guy, I couldn't do that. Married is married. I knew it was just a matter of time, there was no question of taking back the abandon-er, but I wasn't single. therefore, no dating.
sadly, by the time the divorce was final, I'd lost touch with both of these guys. I still think I was right not to date until I was single. I paid the price, sure, but I didn't loose my self respect.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
new pics
my photographer friend, we'll call her Coppertone, took some more pics for me. I thought it might be good to have some where I'm not wearing the same outfit. also, I'd messed with my haircut a little, and I thought it looked better than our first photo shoot, so I begged her to take a few more. dang, I'm cute!
things are starting to pick up
suddenly, I feel popular. I've sent some flirts, and I'm starting to get responses.
and another message. BG12 doesn't have a picture up, but he has the 3E's, he's the right age, and he's here in the valley. poor thing, his wife left him for a woman. I invited him to the dance Saturday (hey, I'm on the committee, I have to at least set up/decorate and clean up after. this doesn't mean I am looking forward to it). still waiting on his response, and a photo.
side note: he needs a lesson in safe dating. he shared a bit too much, and he really should not have signed his whole name to his message. I could be anyone. I could be a total psycho. and now I know his name, the city he lives in, I could totally stalk him. lucky for him I'm not psycho.
sent out a few profile comments to some "suggested matches". here's hoping!
(still no response from Hawaii boy. but I notice he hasn't signed in since January something. at least he's not ignoring me, right?)
and another message. BG12 doesn't have a picture up, but he has the 3E's, he's the right age, and he's here in the valley. poor thing, his wife left him for a woman. I invited him to the dance Saturday (hey, I'm on the committee, I have to at least set up/decorate and clean up after. this doesn't mean I am looking forward to it). still waiting on his response, and a photo.
side note: he needs a lesson in safe dating. he shared a bit too much, and he really should not have signed his whole name to his message. I could be anyone. I could be a total psycho. and now I know his name, the city he lives in, I could totally stalk him. lucky for him I'm not psycho.
sent out a few profile comments to some "suggested matches". here's hoping!
(still no response from Hawaii boy. but I notice he hasn't signed in since January something. at least he's not ignoring me, right?)
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
no, no yoking
got a message. I have not flirted with him, nor looked at his profile. he just came out of the blue. I did NOT try to attract this one.
icky. ew. yuck.
he's 58, retired, looking for a woman who "truly wishes to be consecrated" (aaugh!). In his message, he says he knows he's a little older than I might be looking for, and apologizes for only being employed part-time. says he's looking for someone who is educated so he can follow the prophets instruction to be "equally yoked".
I am backing away from the computer, waving my hands. no, please, no yoking here. no consecrating. the phrase "unrighteous dominion" comes to mind.
where is the "no thanks" button?!? and can I block him? (shudders)
icky. ew. yuck.
he's 58, retired, looking for a woman who "truly wishes to be consecrated" (aaugh!). In his message, he says he knows he's a little older than I might be looking for, and apologizes for only being employed part-time. says he's looking for someone who is educated so he can follow the prophets instruction to be "equally yoked".
I am backing away from the computer, waving my hands. no, please, no yoking here. no consecrating. the phrase "unrighteous dominion" comes to mind.
where is the "no thanks" button?!? and can I block him? (shudders)
Saturday, February 7, 2009
had to send a message
found this guy that lived in Laie, HI. He's 41, now living in Orem, widowed (so much easier than divorced - no ex to deal with. but sad for him) and very buff. I lived in Laie 80-81, so I had to message him, because maybe I knew him. to do that, I have to be a paying member. really wanted to send a message, so I caved.
ever since, I've been running through a list of guys in my head, all the ones I knew when I lived there. Doug, Sandy, Don. I didn't want to throw a bunch of names at him and look like I was boy-crazy. even though I was.
keep your fingers crossed!
ever since, I've been running through a list of guys in my head, all the ones I knew when I lived there. Doug, Sandy, Don. I didn't want to throw a bunch of names at him and look like I was boy-crazy. even though I was.
keep your fingers crossed!
another flirt!
hmm, he meets the 3E's, but I don't think he's quite my type. doesn't speak English very well, for one. and he's younger and shorter than me.
I sent one, to mjl4. no photo, but the rest of his profile looked good. no response. guess I'm not cute enough for him. or he doesn't want to be a step dad. whatever.
I told you this wasn't going to be any fun.
I sent one, to mjl4. no photo, but the rest of his profile looked good. no response. guess I'm not cute enough for him. or he doesn't want to be a step dad. whatever.
I told you this wasn't going to be any fun.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
my first flirt
okay, so I didn't ignore it. and I got my first flirt. let's just say I could have been more excited. While he did have 2 out of 3, there was also maybe a little "more of me to love" aspect along with that.
Let me back up here. I have 3 requirements I don't care to compromise on. Endowed, Employed, Educated. Need I say more? Hey, I'm only asking for what I've done myself. Why is that so much to ask?
This first "flirt"? He's a consultant. Read "self-employed" or possibly "free-lance". Sorry, I know from experience that regular bills require a regular income in my world.
sorry, iholli. try again when you have a real job. and maybe trim down a little. (boy, am I shallow, or what?)
Let me back up here. I have 3 requirements I don't care to compromise on. Endowed, Employed, Educated. Need I say more? Hey, I'm only asking for what I've done myself. Why is that so much to ask?
This first "flirt"? He's a consultant. Read "self-employed" or possibly "free-lance". Sorry, I know from experience that regular bills require a regular income in my world.
sorry, iholli. try again when you have a real job. and maybe trim down a little. (boy, am I shallow, or what?)
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
dating again
so, it's happened, I'm 40 (okay, been 40 for a few months) and despite being a responsible person, well adjusted, a good Mormon girl, and pretty dang cute, I'm still not dating. again.
Now, before you make any snap judgements, let me just say that I'm a single mom, I work full time, and I have plenty going on in my social life and leisure time without adding dating to the mix. On the other hand, I always wanted more than 2 kids (a lot more), and there are times when going to bed with a good book just doesn't satisfy me. Not all the time, mind you. I mean, I like my life. I like the independence, the autonomy, the closet space. But sometimes...
Just before Christmas I found myself considering signing up on LDSSingles, but then, remembering a friends experiences with that, I thought better of it. (let's just say he met more crazies than he cared for) A few days later, a young friend of mine, recently divorced (mine is not so recent, try 8 years?), emails and says she signed up. Which I considered very brave of her, and also, it seemed like a message from the universe. Which I tried to ignore.
Next thing I know, I'm having a friend dye my hair (hey, I got my grey when I had the twins, I earned every one of those, and they have nothing to do with age! plus, it looked sort of dramatic), and she agrees to do a little photo shoot for me with her new camera.
see the "drama" of the grey here? and then the "new me"
And I signed up. just the freebie version for now. I predict I'll ignore, forget, and whatever other excuse I can come up with to save myself from the inevitable disappointment. who wants to pay for that?
Now, before you make any snap judgements, let me just say that I'm a single mom, I work full time, and I have plenty going on in my social life and leisure time without adding dating to the mix. On the other hand, I always wanted more than 2 kids (a lot more), and there are times when going to bed with a good book just doesn't satisfy me. Not all the time, mind you. I mean, I like my life. I like the independence, the autonomy, the closet space. But sometimes...
Just before Christmas I found myself considering signing up on LDSSingles, but then, remembering a friends experiences with that, I thought better of it. (let's just say he met more crazies than he cared for) A few days later, a young friend of mine, recently divorced (mine is not so recent, try 8 years?), emails and says she signed up. Which I considered very brave of her, and also, it seemed like a message from the universe. Which I tried to ignore.
Next thing I know, I'm having a friend dye my hair (hey, I got my grey when I had the twins, I earned every one of those, and they have nothing to do with age! plus, it looked sort of dramatic), and she agrees to do a little photo shoot for me with her new camera.
see the "drama" of the grey here? and then the "new me"And I signed up. just the freebie version for now. I predict I'll ignore, forget, and whatever other excuse I can come up with to save myself from the inevitable disappointment. who wants to pay for that?
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