Thursday, September 17, 2009

Kawasaki doesn't know why he's drawn to me...

but, he says now that he's settled again, (those of us who have been divorced know about that period, looking for a new normal, feeling awkward no matter what) he's starting to attend church again. (Just to clarify, I didn't ever stop going to church during either divorce. I went back to my parents ward for a while, partly because I did feel awkward about showing up in my ward without my husband (the 1st one), wondering what others might think, and partly because I had reliable help for juggling nursing twins through the 3 long hours of church. Most of which time, I think I mainly caught opening and closing prayers of all the meetings in between visits to the nursing mothers lounge. But I was there. More to the point, my testimony did not waiver during that time, it grew quite a bit. This gospel was one of the solid things that kept me sane through both divorces.)
He really does seem like a nice enough guy. My office-mate (a happily married woman) says I should give him a chance.
The thing is, I've been the one "leaned on" for spiritual support when my significant other was uncertain, and I don't like it. I cannot be someones' reason for joining, reactivating, or otherwise getting religion. It tends not to stick if you don't do it for yourself. I don't mind being there to remind him he does have a testimony, and he does love the gospel, in those moments of doubt that sometimes push their way in. But I refuse to be his reason for seeking for the truth. If he hasn't felt the need to seek for it before now (he's 40), something is missing.
Oh, and in case you're wondering, yes, his screen name does indicate a fondness for motorcycles. He's an ex-marine, currently working in real estate. (doesn't sound like a regular income, steady job type of guy...)

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